Must we make everything alcoholic?

I mean, come on! If you don’t like the taste of alcohol…then DON’T DRINK IT!

We have hard apple cider, hard lemonade, hard fruit punch, and even hard seltzer water. Yeah, seltzer water! Why?

Obviously profits. But money isn’t everything.

Now, I quit drinking years ago so this stuff doesn’t appeal to me. But the thing is, I am not so sure that if all this fancy stuff had come out when I was drinking I would have been all that interested in it. The best part about drinking is when it tastes like lighter fuel and burns a hole in your esophagus as it makes its way to your stomach. Then, upon reaching your stomach, it gives you this warm glowing feeling all over your body. Through every nerve ending and hair follicle and finally tickles your brain in ecstasy. Ahhhh! That’s the stuff!

But then again, I am an alcoholic, so my approach may have been different than that of your average weekend binge drinker. But I still stand by my statement…If you don’t like the taste of alcohol then don’t drink it.

Same with coffee. Drink coffee. Not milkshakes. I see people add so much cream and sugar to their coffee sometimes that it is basically ice cream by the time they consume it.

But then again, I have an addictive personality, so I drink more coffee than your average “I need a pick me up in the morning crowd.” For me coffee is life.

Maybe I am not the right person to comment on these things? Clearly, my idea of casual enjoyment of something is “go big or go home!”

Anyways….

Don’t be surprised if one day you are in the grocery store and you find some hard apple cider vinegar on the shelves. It is most likely inevitable.

Do me one favor though, if you do see it, let me know. After all, It was my idea first and I am entitled to some of the profits. Because, you know, money makes the world go round.

That is today’s cartoon folks. I will have another one ready for you Wednesday. Until then, enjoy the holiday weekend. Drink responsibly. And by responsibly I mean, drink real alcohol - like a beer or a glass of wine or a fifth of vodka or something. You know, like an authentic alcoholic would. Be safe and be well!

Cheers,

~tod